Posts Tagged‘motherhood’

Toddlers: 15 Ridiculous Notions Mine Know to be True

Toddler facts

I have to tell you, I’m in a constant state of confusion with my children:     One day we are potty-trained, the next day we are pooping in the hallway.     One day we eat chicken nuggets, the next day we throw ourselves on the ground at the sight of protein.     One day we LOVE gold glitter shoes, the next day our feet physically cannot be bound by those torture devices. The list goes on. I know that children go through phases and stages and LEEPS and all those things but it seems that lately the only constant is that confusion abounds in this house. I’m pretty sure that they compare notes to make sure all levels of absurdity are handled by at least one of them on a given day. I decided to sit down for a moment and try to peer inside their little toddler reasoning to understand the constant tantrums, fights, and frustration of these two little people. These 15 truths are what seem to be governing their toddler decision-making, and my life, at the moment. 15 Undeniable Truths- as interpreted from the actions of my toddlers: If my sibling is playing with a toy, that toy is the most desirable thing on Earth. Even if said toy has been lodged under the treadmill, forgotten, for over a month. If Mommy is on the phone, she’s not really talking to someone else on the other end; she’s inviting you to grab that phone out…

A Letter to My Pre-Parent Self

a letter

Hi perfectly-manicured-well-rested-and-totally-in-control-self, It’s me, well you, urggh…it’s us. Just a slightly less know-it-all, slightly heavier you. I’m here to fill you with a little humor and a lot of truth as you embark on this parenting journey. But first, let me start by saying what your friends and family are too polite to say, “shut up!” Seriously, just shut up. Shut up with your parenting expectations and declarations of “my baby will never”. Yes, I know that you have read every.single.parenting book that ever existed and that you are a generally intelligent person, but you truly know nothing about what is about to happen to your life. You might know how to swaddle, do some kegals, and decorate a nursery, but you really know nothing about what your life (all of it- mind, body, and soul) will be like when you’re handed this baby you’ve been studying for the last 10 months. Parenthood isn’t just a test, it’s a sprint, a marathon, an interview; a lifelong exercise in enduring watching the best part of you toddle around without your constant supervision and support. Parenting is SO much more than you have ever contemplated and you will never, ever know everything (or anything, really) about what you’re doing. But, just to scratch the surface, I’ll start with your top 6 Pre-Parenting Expectations (PPE). You know, the things you’ve carried about like that baby in your belly, nourishing and coddling them with all your pre-parenting knowledge just waiting for the day that…